Quotes – Set VIII
It all started when my dog began getting free rollover minutes.
-Jay London
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
-George Carlin
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
-Stephen King
I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries.’ The girl at the counter said, ‘Would you like some fries with that?’
-Jay Leno
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe.
-Albert Einstein
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
-Bill Baughan
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
-Dave Barry
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
-Joan Rivers
The first time I sang in the church choir, tow hundred people changed their religion.
-Fred Allen
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-Mae West
You talk to God, you’re religious. God talks to you, you’re psychotic.
-Doris Egan, House M.D., House vs. God, 2006
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
-Charles M. Schulz
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
-George Burns
I rant, therefore I am.
-Dennis Miller
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
-Rodney Dangerfield
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
-Evan Esar
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
-John Wilmot
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents’ shortcomings.
-Laurence J. Peter (1919 – 1988)
Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches per sec.
-J. Hart
My toughest fight was with my first wife.
-Muhammad Ali
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
-Unknown